"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you had me at cake vodka
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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