Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
