Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
