I'm so fucking centered right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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