i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
