My cat gives me a boner
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
