Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize