can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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