dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize