i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
