Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
