so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
