from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
