The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize