my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
