White coat. Heels.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize