I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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