im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
