I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
