I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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