dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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