I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
