I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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