I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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