went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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