So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
