i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
