Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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