Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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