Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
