i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
