mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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