Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
