He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
