Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
