Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
