Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
