i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
