I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's the barista slut.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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