Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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