Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
