You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
