i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
