dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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