He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
