How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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