I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize