when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
