She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
