I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
