btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
