I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
