What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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