I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
