Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
