Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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