She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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