Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
