WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
