u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
