Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we made out on top of his cat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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