Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
