Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
