I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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