We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize