and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hippo gnu deer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
