I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
