Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
