you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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