i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
