She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize