We won't sleep together?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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