508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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