I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize