I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Vodka?
Forever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
