Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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