Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
