You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
