1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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