I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
