I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
