"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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